How to Trust Yourself, Part 4 of 6

Welcome back to installment number four in the Self-Trust series. So far in this self-trust mini-series, we’ve looked at what self-trust is and why it matters, where self-doubt comes from, and how to recognize self-doubt if it’s present in your life. Next, we’ll look at how intuition factors into the mix.

Intuition refers to your inner knowing, your awareness of what’s going on around you, and what’s coming down the pike. One of my specialties is helping people to tap into and expand their intuition. And the single biggest thing that can thwart intuition is self-doubt.

If you don’t trust yourself, you will find yourself unable to trust any information you receive intuitively. Instead, you’ll have thoughts like:

  • I think I’m making this all upself-trust_05
  • The other night I watched a documentary on this, so that must be where this is coming from
  • That can’t be true, can it?
  • Yikes, I hope that isn’t true
  • Now that I know, what am I supposed to do about it?
  • That doesn’t make any sense
  • That seems very far-fetched
  • That seems like too great of a coincidence
  • That seems unreal
  • No one will believe that
  • I’ve never in my life heard such rubbish
  • I don’t know what that means
  • I’m just not getting enough info
  • I think I’ll check with my pendulum again. And again. And again. And again. Oh wait, now the answer is changing. Oh no, now what?

Intuition is a powerful tool and asset, and one that can serve you in many aspects of your life. But when the waters are muddied by self-doubt, intuition can seem like an impossible dream. Here’s something to consider:

Have you ever received an intuitive “hit” to do or say something, but ignored that hit? What happened as a result?

If you’re like most people, ignoring your intuition came back to bite you in the ass. But how many times will that need to happen before you start listening? Let’s hope it’s not too many more!

In the final installments of this series, we’ll look at ways you can foster self-trust, which will help you to grow and expand your intuition. See you there!

Get Unstuck (in life) – vlog

Feeling stuck? In general, in life? In this quick video, I’ll show you how you can get unstuck fast.

How to Trust Yourself, Part 3 of 6

In this third installment in the self-trust series, we’ll look at tell-tale signs that self-doubt is present. Self-doubt is public enemy number one when it comes to self-trust, for the two cannot co-exist.

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Wondering if you’ve got self-doubt? Here’s a checklist, along with a few real-life examples:

  • How do you feel after you make a decision? Do you feel calm and confident/perhaps even hopeful? Or are you second-guessing your choice?
    • Real-life example: While out to dinner, you order the special, but then just as the waiter walks away, you think “Uh-oh. I probably should have gotten the chicken instead.” You’re debating whether or not there’s still time to change your order.
  • How do you feel before you make a decision? Are you clear and focused, or do you feel scattered and worried?
    • Real-life example: You’re applying for jobs and so far you have one solid offer on the table, but you have an interview next week with an awesome company. You’re concerned that if you don’t take the offer on the table, they’ll give the position to someone else. But what if you accept the current offer before attending the other interview? You might miss out on the job of a lifetime, or a better offer. You call up friends to get their advice.
  • How do you feel after you get dressed to leave the house for the day? Do you smile at yourself in the mirror, confident and ready to face the day? Or do you worry about how you look?
    • Real-life example: You’re meeting a friend for lunch, and she always looks so put-together, so you want to make an effort to look nice. You start to text her to ask what she’s wearing, then you remember you’re not in high school, so you don’t text. But what if she’s dressed up and you look schleppy? You text her, trying to sound as casual as possible. “So, what’s the dress code at this restaurant?” Then you scour your closet looking for possibilities. She texts you back, easy and breezy as usual, with an answer that’s impossible to interpret. (“Oh, just whatever, I suppose. It’s fairly casual.”) You fleetingly consider a cocktail dress in the back of your closet that you never get to wear, but look fabulous in. Finally, you put on something, then fidget and fuss with your hair and jewelry until the last possible minute, when you just shrug your shoulders and think, “I guess this will have to do.”
  • How do you feel when you’re traveling? Are you organized, on time, and relaxed? Or does travel stress you out?
    • Real-life example: You check and re-check your flight info. You check and re-check the weather. You call three different sources to find out how early you should depart for the airport. You set your alarm and create two backup alarms. You barely sleep the night before, concerned that you might somehow have a triple-fail. Exhausted, you drag yourself out of bed at the sound of the first chime, but then once you get to the airport, you realize you forgot your contact lenses. The one thing you can’t replace while away! Ugh. Guess it’s a week of vacation in Mexico, wearing your glasses. Wait, did you pack your glasses? Oh right, you’re wearing them now. Whew. Now what will you do if they don’t speak English at the resort? Dang, you really should have downloaded that Spanish-to-English translator app on your phone. The resort might not even have wi-fi. Well, shoot.
  • What is your immediate reaction (words, thoughts, actions) when you receive a compliment? Do you take the compliment, or brush it off (“What, this old thing? I’ve had it forever. I got it on sale. My cousin was throwing it out, can you believe that? Ugh, please, I’m a mess today.”)
  • How much time do you spend thinking about what other people said/didn’t say? The greater the amount, the higher your level of self-doubt.
  • How long does it take you to make a decision?
  • Do you feel the need to get input from other people before making a decision?

These questions and examples should give you a great idea whether or not self-doubt is an issue in your life. And if it is, great news – we can clear that! Click here to learn more.

See you next time where we’ll look at intuition and how it factors into this conversation on self-doubt.

 

 

AmyTalks.com New Episode: Get Grounded, Part 2

Check out this recent AmyTalks podcast episode on grounding energy. Enjoy!

AmyTalks_Podcast250x250

How to KNOW you need to ground – vlog

Here’s a short video you’re gonna like…I’ll share with you a bunch of life situations/circumstances that are likely to cause you to get ungrounded. If you’re currently going through any of these right now, be sure you ground!

How to Trust Yourself, Part 2 of 6

Welcome back to the second installment in this mini-series on self-trust. In part one, we defined self-trust and looked at why it matters, and what areas of life it impacts. In this segment, we’ll look at some of the reasons why self-doubt smolders and where it comes from.

Where does self-doubt come from? Essentially, we can track self-doubt back to one of three time periods. It’s always best to back to the originating incident, in order to fully clear any block. (For more info about that, check out my book 1-2-3 Clarity.)

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Self-doubt may have originated:

  • In a past life
  • In this life, but in the distant past
  • In this life, due to a recent series of events, brought about by a
    (usually adverse) turning point

Self-doubt grows with a compound effect. Consider:

We’ve all made choices in life we’re not necessarily proud of. We might go so far as to call them dumb choices (or worse). That is part of life—we all make mistakes. But sometimes, the consequences of these mistakes are grave and we have difficulty forgiving our erroneous choices. Other times, one bad choice can lead to an adverse event, which then snowballs into a series of bad choices, and then we find ourselves deep in self-doubt.

Here’s an example of each of the timelines listed above:

Self-doubt from a past life:

Susie goes out of her way to please people. She just can’t handle anyone crying in her presence. She feels an overwhelmingly strong need to comfort, to appease. Conflict makes her very uncomfortable, and she avoids confrontation at all costs. Susie loves smiles and warm hugs, but doesn’t like to be in the spotlight or in charge of anything. Forget about leadership for Susie! You’ll find her in a supportive, behind-the-scenes role, where she will give everything she’s got to please the folks in charge. Susie is silently always wondering if she measures up, if she’s good enough. She needs constant validation, but that doesn’t allay the self doubt that bubbles up inside of her. Susie will forego what she really wants (if she even knows what she wants) in lieu of trying to make someone else happy. Relationships inevitably end because eventually, they either grow bored of her incessant need to please (after all, the 1950s are long gone), or they grow weary of her neediness and constant need for validation. In a past life, Susie was a tyrant, a terrible leader. She wasn’t Hitler, per se, but some of the ways she abused people would’ve given him a run for his money. She doubts her ability to make her own choices, because she doesn’t trust herself with desire, power, and leadership. She sets out to please others in an unconscious way to try to make up for the terrible past life things she’s done.

Self-doubt from this life, but from the distant past:

Jan’s self-doubt stems from her childhood, when she always felt overlooked and overshadowed by her smarter, prettier, more popular sister Marsha. At some point, Jan decided that if Marsha got all the attention, it must be because Jan herself didn’t measure up to being worthy of attention. Today, Jan’s self-doubt underpins her relationships, her ability to love herself, and her overall level of success.

Self-doubt from this life, from a recent turn of events.

Felix Unger is a dapper man. Sharp-dressed, always punctual, and well-versed in interior design, haute culture, and all things related to elegant entertaining. Felix had an amazing home, a great career, and a beautiful wife. He was on top of the world! But when Felix’s wife dumped him and kicked him out of the house, that’s when things started to go wrong. Felix’s self-doubt began to grow. His ex took him for everything he had in the divorce, and he blamed himself for that (after all, he still loved her). He should’ve gotten a better lawyer, should’ve let some time lapse instead of succumbing to her request for a fast divorce. But he still loved her. Had he made a poor choice in marrying her? He should have gotten a pre-nup, should have created some off-shore investments, should have done a million things differently. Now he’s broke, lonely, out of work, has no place to go, and is questioning his every move (including what to wear!). Oh and did we mention the ex claimed all the friends? And once Felix convinces his buddy Oscar Madison to let him stay for awhile, Oscar will soon be the one questioning his own life choices. (And yet, hilarity ensues.)

Now that you have an idea where self-doubt comes from, join us for the next part of this series, where we’ll look at tell-tale signs of self-doubt, so you can do your own assessment. In the meantime, I invite you to think about what you’ve learned in this series so far, and see how it applies to your own life. Until next time…

Amy Talks: Get Grounded, Part 1

In this recent Amy Talks episode, we’ll look at grounding: what is it, do you need it, and why should you care?

AmyTalks_Podcast250x250

How to Trust Yourself, Part 1 of 6

Welcome to part one of our mini-series on self-trust. I recently surveyed hundreds of people to ask them what their biggest stumbling block is, which is preventing them from moving forward in life, and one of the most common responses was: “trusting in myself.” But what does self-trust mean, and why does it matter?

Self-trust simply refers to one’s ability to trust in/rely on oneself.

Whether or not you trust yourself is a factor that has an impact all throughout your life. For example, your level of self-trust will impact:

  • Your ability to make sound decisionsself-trust_01
  • Your peace of mind
  • Your intuition and psychic abilities
  • Your trustworthiness, as perceived by others
  • Your relationships (How can you trust others if you can’t trust yourself?)
  • Your success level
  • Your finances (It’s difficult to make wise money choices if you don’t trust those choices, and it’s nearly impossible to become wealthy if you don’t trust yourself with money.)
  • Your satisfaction level
  • Your ability to love yourself

This is one of those core issues that seeps into all aspects of life. Self-doubt is pervasive. The person who doubts herself cannot establish healthy, supportive, lasting relationships, she cannot create a substantial level of wealth or success, she cannot grow and expand her intuition. Self-doubt is like a dark cloud, following the person around, so she is always expecting rain, but never knows when the downpour will strike.

We can often sense self-doubt in others far more quickly than we tend to view it in ourselves. In fact, if you have a low sense of self-trust, you likely are fascinated by people who have a highly developed sense of self-trust.

As you can see, self-trust is huge! It plays a major role in the level of happiness a person feels in their life. In this series, we will look at reasons people don’t trust themselves, signs of self-doubt, intuition, and we’ll explore ways to foster more trust in yourself.

Did Your Grounding Actually Work?

Here’s a quickie video for you…we’ve been talking a lot about grounding energy lately, but if you do a grounding, how can you tell if it actually worked? Find out here. Enjoy!

How to Get Unstuck, Part 5 of 5 (final)

Welcome back to the final installment of this series on how to get unstuck. In this segment, we’ll be looking at how to get unstuck at work. Fortunately, the tip I’m giving you today applies to any kind of work, whether you’re currently in a full time career, temp job, own your own business, network marketing, or any kind of employment situation.

Odds are, if you feel stuck at work, it’s because you’re currently not doing the kind of work your heart longs to do. This can happen for a number of reasons. For example, do any of these apply to you?

  • stuck4You took a job that’s not your dream job because you needed employment/money
  • You used to like/love your job, but it/you have changed and your passion for it is gone
  • Someone you adore no longer works with you, so it’s not the same anymore (this happens a lot!)
  • You don’t yet know your passion, but it’s definitely not what you’re currently getting paid to do
  • You’ve discovered your passion, but you’re not sure how to transition from your current career into your passion
  • Your new boss/coworker is a jerk
  • You’ve outgrown this job/business
  • You are bored/not challenged
  • You got passed over for a promotion
  • The company’s been bought out/restructured/changed policy
  • The market/economy has changed and/or there have been regulation changes
  • Paperwork has increased
  • People left/were downsized and now you’re doing the work of two people
  • Raises/bonuses didn’t happen or were disappointingly low this year
  • You got a bad performance eval
  • You have new responsibilities you don’t particularly care for
  • Or any other number of reasons that affect your current employment

You may even find that several of the above relate to you and your situation. Good news! There are several ways you can get unstuck. For example:

  • Start looking for new employment, even if you have no intention of leaving. In many cases, the mere act of evaluating what else is out there can get you unstuck and sharpen your focus.
  • Start a side business around your passion.
  • Take a class or workshop related to your passion.
  • Join a club or Meetup group to meet people who are also interested in what you are passionate about.
  • Do something different for lunch. If you normally eat lunch at your desk, try packing a lunch to eat outside, or eat in a different part of the building, away from your office. If you normally go out to lunch with co-workers, start packing your lunch or drive/walk to a nearby park instead. Invite a friend outside of work to meet you for lunch. Mix it up.
  • Think about this: What is missing from your current employment? What would you need more of in order to feel inspired at work? And here’s a hint: money is likely not the answer. There’s something more that you want – maybe you want to know you’re making a difference, or helping people, or maybe you want more comraderie at work, or more kindness and harmony, or maybe you want to do work that is more challenging.
  • Write out your answer to the questions above. Rank them in order of importance, related to what would most make a difference in how you feel about your work.
  • Your next step is to make that happen. Talk to your boss, your board of directors, yourself if you own your own business. If you sit down with your boss and tell him/her you’d like more challenging work, and they say no, start looking for a new job. Because that business is not going to stick around with lame leadership like that! Any employee who asks for more challenging work, or what that makes a difference helping people is most likely going to get just that! Consider that your boss doesn’t know you’re bored/feeling meaningless/etc.

Yes you can get unstuck! Try out some of these tips and let me know how it works out for you.

Go for it.